The Pokey Finger of God

meditations on religion and culture

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Mosaic speculamation

February 27th, 2006 · No Comments · history

Of course, I’ve been preparing for my upcoming lecture and I just can’t help myself from getting all giddy about it. There’s so much cool stuff about Moses that I keep getting distracted. Such as:

What if the burning bush wasn’t a bush at all, but instead an exposed lump of radioactive material?

This would explain his “radiating” appearance (sometimes translated as “horned”) and provide a primary reason why he would be disfigured and never survived to the promised land.

So what was Moses spending all that time on the mountain for? Perhaps he carved the radioactive material from the mountain and formed an idol that he presented as an object of veneration, later hidden within and carried by the ark. Imagine the “golden calf” scene with Moses bringing down, not the tablets of law, but a self-illuminating calf idol formed of uranium to show that the god of the mountain is more powerful than any of Egypt.

The ark of the covenant was specifically treated as a weapon of war. The construction of the ark would have made it a wonderful radiation reflector for even traces of uranium or the like, such that opening it up towards the enemy resulted in some pretty devastating injuries. Naturally, it wouldn’t have been as visually stunning as Raiders, but I’m sure you get the point.

This makes more sense to me in the context of the story than what is written as the ending, and I can certainly understand that such a tale would certainly have been amended by the monomaniacal, exiled redactors. Perhaps this is why a scene from Gilgamesh is overlaid on the “golden calf” story, in order to give it an alternative spin.

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